Call Centre Wows...

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS ARE PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING
ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK:

  • Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
    Customer: "Ok."
    Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No."
    Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No."
    Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
    point?"
    Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."


  • Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
    getting the same error message."
    Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
    Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"


  • Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
    Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
    Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
    Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
    Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
    Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
    Customer:: "What?"
    Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
    Customer: "No..."


  • Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
    Tech Support:: ?!%#$


  • Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you
    see the 'OK' button displayed?"
    Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"


  • Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
    Customer:: "A white one."


  • Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
    Customer:: "How do you spell that?"


  • Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
    Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."


  • Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
    Customer: "Pentium."


  • Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."


  • Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."


  • Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"


  • Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
    document, but the computer won't boot properly."
    Tech Support: "What does it say?"
    Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
    Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
    Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."


  • Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24
    hours."
    Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"


  • Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
    Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
    Tech Support:: "Well?"
    Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"


  • A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his
    computer is faulty.
    Tech: What's the problem?
    User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
    Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
    User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
    Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
    User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and
    it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
    10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is
    frustrated and fed up.
    Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is
    an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
    User: I knew it!
    Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let
    me know how it goes.
    10 minutes later.
    User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
    Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
    User: MS-DOS 6.22.
    Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
    NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the
    file. Let me know how it goes.
    1 hour later.
    User: I need a new power supply.
    Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
    User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
    started asking questions about the make of power supply.
    Tech: Then what did he say?
    User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.


  • Customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and
    may I help u in finding it out?
    Cust: sure
    CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
    Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
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